Thankful for getting half? Or bitter about losing half? Time provides a different perspective on parenting (and life in general) when divorced.

My husband left me over 5 years ago.  About 3 years ago, we started dividing the boys’ summer vacation equally.

I was a stay-at-home mom since our oldest was born so when we began dividing the summer, I was crushed.  In an instant, I went from having them with me 24/7 to then sharing nights and weekends and 3 years ago getting ‘my’ summer cut in half from 12 weeks to 6.

That’s 6 weeks of early morning snuggles I will miss, 6 weeks of late night bonfires I can’t light for them, 6 weeks of not getting hugs anytime I want.  The first year was absolutely miserable.  I felt like the wind got knocked out of me when their dad picked them up for the first time that summer. I remember going to my room, crawling under the covers and crying uncontrollably for hours.   The next time he picked them up for 2 weeks that summer, I still couldn’t breathe when I said goodbye and the sobbing continued.  The third time, the tears flowed just as hard as the first time they said goodbye.  It wasn’t getting easier. How was I ever going to survive these transitions for the next 11 years?

This was not the life I envisioned for myself when I said, ‘I do’ in an intimate ceremony on Makena Beach surrounded by family and friends.  But I also realized, the life he was choosing was saying, ‘I don’t’ and divorce was the path that was necessary.

The second summer, I enjoyed the 6 weeks with my boys.  Then I spent about half of the weeks I didn’t have them visiting my mom, avoiding the silence in my home.  In those weeks spent with my mom, I spent much of it feeling depressed but would find myself smiling some and mom always provides me with reasons to laugh.  Mama always makes everything better.  It was still a tough time but mama certainly made it better.

Fast forward to this year.  Their dad and I worked out the summer schedule and instead of being sad about missing out on them for 6 weeks, I was thankful for the 6 I will have.  Thankful that all my summer weddings happen to fall on the Saturdays the boys are with their dad.  So I have 6 Saturdays with my boys.  The kids are not doing organized summer sports.  So I have lots of extra weeknights with my boys during my 6 weeks.  6 weeks of early morning snuggles, 6 weeks of late night bonfires and 6 weeks of hugs anytime I want.  I choose to think about how fortunate I am to have 6 weeks!

Time helps with healing.  Time helps with thankfulness.  Time helps with perspective.

I think about a couple local boys who died recently.  The mamas of those seniors in high school would do anything to have 6 weeks with their boys this summer.  My life has had its challenges. But life can always be worse.  Always.  I’m thankful for 3 fairly healthy boys.  I’m thankful for my 6 weeks.

School just ended yesterday and today is the first day of summer.  They were supposed to be with their dad already but something came up on my ex’s end which meant the boys got to start summer with me.  I was ecstatic.  It made my heart so very happy.

Do I still wish I had them at my house for all 12 weeks of summer?  Yes.  But I am thankful for every day I get to see them, regardless of how many days that is.

So what did we do on this first day of summer?  Well, since it’s the only day I’ll have with all 3 of them for almost 3 weeks we did everything we could.

Yesterday, I took Joey and one of his friend’s out to lunch while hearing them talk about all the cute girls at school and funny things that have happened this year.   Then each of the boys had a friend over for a sleepover.  We grilled steaks for dinner, had a bonfire, made s’mores, wore glow sticks in the hot tub, played outside til almost 11 pm, played xbox, had a silly string war, painted with glow sticks on my boys’ backs (don’t worry mom, they are non-toxic), started a youtube channel for their million dollar idea, took 7 kids to the dentist (all 3 of my boys had teeth cleanings that have been scheduled for 6 months), jumped the entire flight of basement stairs, went to the skatepark, water balloon fights, shaving cream balloon fight (then just went straight shaving cream skipping the process of putting it in a balloon), watched the boys dance like no one was watching, enjoyed their smiles, contagious laughter and soaked up every hug I received.

When I can’t have all summer with them, we cram as much as we can in the time we do have together.  That was a fun 24 hours.  And I’m exhausted.  This mama is gonna sleep great tonight. 🙂

Today, their dad picked them up at 6:00 pm.

I told them how excited I was for them to spend time with their daddy and was already counting down the days til they returned again.  As they were getting in the car, I was smiling, waving and telling them I loved them.  As they pulled out of the driveway, Jake rolled down the window, looked back with his little hand out the window waving back at me and I hear his little voice say, “I love you mom.”  And I cried.

The tears are not the same as they were a few years ago.  These tears are tears of thankfulness.  Thankful that today I got a bonus day with them.  Thankful that I have 3 boys who love me.  Thankful that they know I will love them forever and always.  Thankful that I get to call them mine.  Thankful that I have 6 weeks of the summer to look forward to spending with my boys!  They are mine, all mine and I couldn’t be happier!

XOXOXO,

Heather

 

Heather is the owner of Sweet Lemonade Photography and co-owner of Sweet Darling Weddings.  Life gave her a bunch of lemons (you can read a little more here) and by keeping her focus on God, finding the positive in each day, and surrounding herself with supporting, loving and encouraging people she has turned those lemons into the sweetest lemonade.  This blog has been created to share her heart, her adventures and find ways to bless others.  You can contact her at heather@sweetlemonadelife.com.