Have you heard about the new Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why? It’s about a girl who was bullied at school and ultimately ended her life by slitting her wrists. Through the 13 episodes based on the book by Jay Asher, bullying, sexual assault, drugs, alcohol, suicide are all addressed. Forbes recently shared, 13 Reasons Why ’13 Reasons Why’ should be your next Netflix Binge. Throughout this blog anything in quotations came from the ’13 Reasons Why, Beyond the Reasons video found on Netflix.
“Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.” That is a shocking statistic. While some suicides occur due to mental illness, many (like the one in the show) stem from a domino effect of bullying, teasing, abusing, etc. We need to know the warning signs, treat them seriously, and seek help (counseling, medicine, treatment centers) for yourself or others struggling.
As a society, we tend to shy away from these hard subjects but the creators of 13 Reasons Why has tackled it without apologies. The last couple episodes left me very uncomfortable and that was the writers intent. They want us to think. They want it to change us… the way we think and the way we act towards others.
“With social media, people are being attacked by so many hiding behind computer screens. And because bullying can be done online, there is no escape. Ever. Even home is no longer a safe space.” That’s a scary thing to realize that we as parents, as a society, have been enabling easy ways for the next generation to be bullied. They may be finding their self worth in ‘likes’ and comments instead of by their heart, grades, kindness, and most importantly by God’s truths about themselves.
“First and foremost, I think schools can be teaching more emotional education. I think we are severely lacking in that arena,” says Alexis Jones, founder of the I am That Girl and Protecther. I wish the f-bomb wasn’t thrown out in this show every other word. If the language was less colorful, I would encourage all high schools to show the entire series at schools as an opportunity to open up dialogue about these issues.
Dr. Rebecca Hedrick, Child Psychologist Cedars-Sinai Medical Center says, “It’s very common for young adults to not recognize their own emotions, to not be able to verbalize them, talk about them.”
Counseling seems to be so taboo to some. Embarrassing. Scary. Hard. Their pride takes a hit. I pray that the thoughts surrounding counseling continues to be viewed more positively by everyone. I have always been open with my friends, family and my own children about seeing a counselor myself for many years.
In the 13 reasons why bonus, they are discussing rape victims when sharing the following but I think it holds true for every survivor. Survivors of rape, physical abuse, emotional abuse, abuse of any kind. “It’s ok to talk about and not feel ashamed. I want survivors to know that it’s not your fault and it’s ok to talk about it. You need to build a good support system to be able to heal. The more often you tell your story, the more it loses power over you. I hope that people watching this show will be empowered to go to someone for help.”
The more often you tell your story, the more it loses power over you.
I think that’s one reason why I’m very open about my story. The pain, confusion, sadness, and every other emotion I’ve felt over the last few years loses power every time I share it. I share pieces of it on this blog, I share openly and in great detail with my family and closest friends. My counselor helps me understand how to process everything and continue to move forward with more knowledge about my situation and continue to grow from it.
A friend recently described counseling as a check up for your feelings. That is a fantastic analogy. “Communicating feelings can be difficult, especially for children whose minds often are not capable of sharing everything that’s going on in their mind. The thought of sharing feelings with their parents can create a lot of worry… ‘what will they think about me?’ ‘how will they react?'”
“Being a parent of a teenager is difficult. They are trying to establish independence. Sometimes while they would like help on some level they are also pushing it away. Many children would like help but don’t know how to ask for it.” That’s why I think it’s critical for children who have dealt with major life changes, stressful situations, bullying, abuse, etc to see a counselor. An adult that they can speak to freely without feeling like they will be judged. And I believe that every single person can benefit from counseling.
Recently, I asked my Facebook friends if they’d be willing to share if they or a family member had ever seen a counselor. Including private messages, I had 45 people respond.
20- an adult in their home has seen a counselor
21- both adults and kids in their home has seen a counselor
4- had never seen a counselor but a couple went on to say they agree with it and would go see a counselor if they needed it.
Over 90% of those who answered had seen a counselor themselves (or spouse or their child) at one time or another. So why are there still people that feel like speaking to a counselor should be ‘hidden’ from others? That it could ruin their reputation?
My children saw a counselor a few times shortly after their dad left me. However, it wasn’t a great fit. So I want to find a new counselor and have them all go again. All of them can benefit for different reasons but in the end, I’m confident it will improve all of their lives and my relationship with them as well.
I want them to have a non-family member adult they can trust. I want them to know how to talk about their feelings. I want them to have their own safe space. I want to have a counselor help me better understand their specific needs and desires so I can parent them each in the ways they need it most. Watching this series, only reinforces the value found in counseling… even long before you think there is a need for it.
My heart aches for all the kids that are hurting tonight because of the words or actions of others. It makes me wonder what words or actions of my own have caused hurt to those around me? We all can do better. We have to do better. Go watch 13 Reasons Why and it will give you a new perspective and maybe challenge you to approach tomorrow and those you interact with differently. Better.
