Holidays and Divorce. A little encouragement for those recently divorced.

Tonight is Christmas Eve for us.   Early on in my divorce, I was having a very difficult time accepting that I would not be with my boys on Christmas Day (the boys alternate spending Christmas Day with their dad one year and me the next).  

Divorce sucks.  My marriage fell apart in 2010.  He left me in the spring of 2011 (came back briefly at the end of 2011).  So our division of holidays and separated life began fully in 2012… the year this picture was taken.  It was hard.  Very hard.  Sharing ‘my boys’ at all was something I didn’t want to do.  So to even contemplate sharing birthdays and holidays, it left me physically ill.  I spent time mourning the loss of time I’d have with them.  I was depressed and slept a lot when they were gone.  Feeling like I was going to miss out on special moments with them made my heart hurt.  

But over time I’ve learned to embrace our new life and celebrate every minute I have with my kids regardless what day it is.  So this year,  December 23rd is Christmas Eve for us.  We will awake on December 24th to presents left by Santa. It’s not any less exciting for the boys.   The anticipation of opening the presents that have been wrapped under the tree for weeks is almost killing them.  The excitement of knowing filled stockings left by Santa will be waiting for them when they wake has them eager to go to bed.  I am excited for them and it doesn’t matter that it’s December 24th.  I will celebrate with them like it’s the 25th and be joyful and thankful.

Do they wish their mom and dad were still married and we were one big happy family? Yes. But they’ve learned to adjust to their new normal as well and find the positives in their situation as well.  Like celebrating Christmas TWICE… once at mom’s and once at dad’s.  🙂

Do I still have a tinge of ‘I wish life wasn’t this way’?!  Yes.  But in the same breath I’m also always saying ‘I’m so glad life isn’t the way it used to be.’  I did not want to raise our boys in two homes but the life their dad and I  had was never a healthy life of husband and wife.  It took me a long time to realize what we had was not the way a marriage is supposed to be.  There are days I get sad about missing time with my boys but it truly is for the best.   Besides, after high school, I have to ‘share my boys’ with the rest of the world more freely.  So I like to think of this as just getting a head start on that adjustment.  🙂 For me divorce has been adjusting to the new and being ok with it. I miss my boys when they are gone but make the most of it when they are here.

So friends, if your holiday is not going to look the way you expected it to because of divorce, death or other circumstance… take comfort in knowing that through the pain you can still have joy.  It may take time to feel it but I promise you, the joyful feeling is right around the corner.  It may seem like life has you knocked down…  you’re laying in the corner with your legs pulled up in a fetal position wondering how in the world you can go on right now.  But hang in there because in the midst of the difficult days ahead you will also discover strength you didn’t know you had, find unexpected blessings, develop new friendships, and discover a better life for you than you ever could have dreamt!  Before you know it, you will be approaching the holidays, like I, with little sadness about your situation and focusing on the positives.  And then you’ll realize in a moment like I did tonight, that you’ve come a long way.  Tonight, I am not debilitated with sadness about our situation.  Instead, I am soaking up every moment of the time I have with my kids, decorating cookies, driving around looking at Christmas lights, and counting all my blessings.

Praying for each of my friends who I know are hurting tonight as they struggle adjusting to divided homes.   And praying for those families who are hurting that I do not know.  But God does.  God knows you’re hurting.  Seek comfort in Him.   God walks you through the worst days of your life and will continue walking beside you every step of the way til you meet Him in Heaven after your days on Earth are over.

When attending a bible study at the end of our marriage when I was clinging to find answers and help for us, Isaiah 43:2 stuck out to me and I clung to that for a very long time.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  – Isaiah 43:2

Praying that verse may bring comfort and hope to even one person reading this.

Merry Christmas from my perfectly imperfect family (of monkeys) to yours!  🙂

XOXOXO,

Heather

Heather is the owner of Sweet Lemonade Photography and co-owner of Sweet Darling Weddings located in central Illinois (Mahomet).  Life gave her a bunch of lemons (you can read a little more here) and by keeping her focus on God, finding the positive in each day, and surrounding herself with supporting, loving and encouraging people she has turned those lemons into the sweetest lemonade.  This blog has been created to share her heart, her adventures and find ways to bless others.  You can contact her at heather@sweetlemonadelife.com.